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| was humanity ever better off without a God?
we puff up our chests with pride and spout,
"independence, self-reliance, i am the master of my fate!"
but in the face of calamity, disaster, tragedy,
is there a soul who can add to anything to relieve the pain?
is there one who can bring restoration to a place of desperation?
was humanity ever better off without a God?
we build impressive resumes and go chasing after the wind,
all which demand our time, energy, commitment.
but all it is, is a piece of paper of which one in the ranks
may or may not approve.
all it is, is a mask to hide our insecurities behind.
at the end of the day,
when all is stripped away,
who will fill the incessant, deep and longing need?
desperation. insecurity. longing. emptiness.
it's in the media. it's been around plaguing our souls
from the beginning of time.
insufficiency, guilt, depression.
who can restore this? self-motivation? induced chemical interactions?
but when all those do nothing but to help matters worsen. what then?
was humanity ever better off without a God?
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon--from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me--
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"
My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
[Ps. 42, NIV]
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| life is full of unexpected events...
this semester in itself... the passing of miss grace, acceptance into mwu, almost-bankruptcy of loved one but new hope for future, humbling of hearts and forgiveness, unification of the family at thanksgiving, strength and perseverance with crazy hectic schedule, transparency/deepening/forming of new relationships, stepping up to leadership, new wave of involvement and excitement within the church, greater hope and desire for community within church, confession of sins, eagerness to understand more deeply our Salvation and grace which has been bestowed upon us through His unconditional love and goodness.
none of any of this could have happened without the Spirit leading, moving, and God ordaining.
thank God that everything is under His Sovereignty. and even in the "tragedies" and disorder of everyday events, there has been great redemption and a greater purpose which He has revealed to those He chose.
His mercies are new everyday. praise the Lord!
there are probably grammatical errors above and incompleteness in explanation or thought..
but for personal reference to how amazing and packed this semester was...every single day, every single moment,
He has been as has always been working..and continues to... if only we would choose to seek for and recognize the moments of His daily mercies in our lives.
if i have learned anything this semester,
how much i suck. how much there's really NOTHING in my control.
on the other hand, how AWESOME and AMAZING God is.
and how even when i fail, He is so faithful with our needs (not necessarily wants) and knows what is best.
and He is never-changing, everlasting Truth that is not biased.
Thank God.
another: life is fragile. and really, no one knows when their time will come.
average life expectancy 80's maybe. if you're lucky.
having the attitude of holy expectancy for Him to work... being willing and open to what He calls us to do,
obedience through strength in Him to overcome trials and witness His glory...
greatest fear: i will fall out of love with Him... that He will no longer satisfy me.
not because He has changed, but because i have compromised my greatest need.
is He Savior and Lord in my life?
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| i am so broken.
this world.. is so terribly broken.
and my heart is breaking.
how much more... the heart of the Lord must ache.
i can't even imagine...
it hurts.
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just do it
"...everything that does not come from faith is sin" - romans 14:23
#1 core emotion: fear
pattern of thinking of fear, not faith...
we are worse than we think, yet accepted. |
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| i need a lifestyle change.
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